


friends, romans, and countrymen

by oberonmartell



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, More tags will be added as I write more chapters, epistolary fic mostly revolving around group chats
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 18:59:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13794144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oberonmartell/pseuds/oberonmartell





	friends, romans, and countrymen

**stay puft martinshmallow man** : For the last time Tim I don’t understand what my name means

**dankmemelord69:** have u never seen ghostbusters

**stay puft martinshmallow man** : Is it about ghosts

**dankmemelord69:** theyre trying to save the world but instead they accidentally summon a giant marshmallow man who tries to eat new york

**dankmemelord69:** and u mentioned u like marshmallows

**dankmemelord69:** and ur soft like a marshmallow

**Sasha James:** don’t we have better things to be doing at work?

**dankmemelord69:** yes like giving you a nickname in this chat

**Sasha James:** no like work

**dankmemelord69 set the nickname for Sasha James to fun ruiner.**

**fun ruiner:** i’m adding jon to this chat

**dankmemelord69:** NO

**stay puft martinshmallow man** : NO

**fun ruiner:** unless you change my nickname

**fun ruiner:** wait i can change it myself

**fun ruiner set the nickname for Sasha James to the best archival assistant.**

**dankmemelord69:** i cant even argue

**the best archival assistant:** thanks tim

**the best archival assistant:** now show us some of your fabled dank memes

**dankmemelord69:** u mean my dank meme stash or my “dank meme stash” ;)

**dankmemelord69:** bc plenty of ppl want 2 see both

**the best archival assistant:** tim. i am a lesbian

**dankmemelord69:** wait r u serious?

**dankmemelord69:** congratulations

**the best archival assistant:** congratulations?

**dankmemelord69:** i never kno what to say

**dankmemelord69:** bi the way if u havent already figured it out

**stay puft martinshmallow man renamed the chat Congratulations On Being A Lesbian.**

**stay puft martinshmallow man** : I go to the bathroom for three minutes…

**stay puft martinshmallow man** : We support you Sasha. Also I’m gay

**the best archival assistant:** thanks martin. i support you also

**dankmemelord69:** we need a trans person to complete the acronym

**dankmemelord69:** is anyone who works here trans

**dankmemelord69:** is JON trans

**stay puft martinshmallow man** : That seems like a really personal question to ask. I don’t think we should.

**the best archival assistant:** he just called me to his office want me to ask

**stay puft martinshmallow man** : NO

**dankmemelord69:** YES

**dankmemelord69:** i could seduce him and then i would find out

**stay puft martinshmallow man** : That’s, like, ten different kinds of sexual harassment.

**dankmemelord69:** who’s he gonna complain to?

**stay puft martinshmallow man** : Elias.

**dankmemelord69:** i could also seduce elias

**stay puft martinshmallow man** : Tim, you have the worst ideas.

**dankmemelord69:** i love u too  <3

**stay puft martinshmallow man** : Do you want anything from the sandwich place down the street for lunch?

**dankmemelord69:** are you leaving now?

**dankmemelord69:** get me three cheese sandwiches i’ll pay you back

**stay puft martinshmallow man** : Three?

**dankmemelord69:** didn’t eat breakfast

**stay puft martinshmallow man** : Tim.

**dankmemelord69:** i like 2 live on the edge

**stay puft martinshmallow man** : Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

**dankmemelord69:** the most important meal of the day is MY ASS AYY LMAO

**dankmemelord69:** sorry martin

**dankmemelord69:** i shouldnt have said that in a work gc

**dankmemelord69:** i feel bad now

**the best archival assistant:** one of all jon told me that i did good work on the mirror case so i’m justified in my nickname here

**the best archival assistant:** two of all he heard my phone buzzing and asked me who it was

**stay puft martinshmallow man** : Oh God. 

**the best archival assistant:** i said it was a group chat with some friends

**the best archival assistant:** also @ stay puft martinshmallow man get me their corned beef

**stay puft martinshmallow man** : Got it, on my way out

**stay puft martinshmallow man** : Tim, don’t seduce our bosses while I’m gone.

**the best archival assistant:** timothy you sure did say some shit in the few minutes i was gone

**the best archival assistant set the nickname for Tim Stoker to most important meal of the day.**

**most important meal of the day set the nickname for Tim Stoker to dankmemelord69.**

**dankmemelord69:** how very dare u rob me of dankmemelord69

**dankmemelord69:** u have torn away my very soul

**the best archival assistant:** tim get your ass back to work

**dankmemelord69:** but my ass is busy being the most important meal of the day

**the best archival assistant:** “jon, can you fire tim please, he won’t stop talking about his ass”

**dankmemelord69:** ok ok ill finish writing up my goddamn reports ok

**dankmemelord69:** but it IS one of my better qualities

**the best archival assistant:** one of your better qualities is you being an ass?

**dankmemelord69:** AYYYYYYYYYY

**dankmemelord69:** u got me there

**dankmemelord69:** u should dab

**the best archival assistant:** it’s actually really cute how proud you are of me for dunking on you

**dankmemelord69:** cute is what we strive for here at the magnus institute

**the best archival assistant:** ha

**dankmemelord69:** i’m hilarious

**dankmemelord69:** lemme show you my folder of memes at lunch?

**the best archival assistant:** sure

**the best archival assistant:** thank you guys for making coming out to you a lot less scary than i thought it would be

**the best archival assistant:** i'd been planning to tell you for a bit but there it just sort of came out

**the best archival assistant:** (lol)

**dankmemelord69:** no problem

**stay puft martinshmallow man** : No problem at all.


End file.
